Lawyer Jokes

A Lawyer Calls his best friend who is also a lawyer for advice, panicking. “You’ve got to help me… I just shot my law clerk by accident…I think he’s dead. What should I do?” His mate says “well first you better make sure he’s dead!” ” OK,” says the...

As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defense attorney took a different approach, however. “I...

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”  “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting...

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a...

Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters. The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar...