Lawyer Jokes

Exchange

The fashion store lost a blue dress. The owner did not report to the police but waited to catch the crooks. The very next night, the owner caught the thief while he was taking the pink dress. What surprised him was that before taking the pink dress, the thief...

When lawyers go to restaurant

Two lawyers, after participating in the defense at a trial, were very tired. They entered a bar and ordered drinks. Then each of them took out a loaf of bread from their briefcase. The waiter quickly reminded: – Excuse me, our restaurant has regulations written on the other board:...

Fair Judgment

The judge walked into the courtroom, struck a gavel and said, “Before I begin sentencing, I want to announce that the defendant’s attorney gave me $15,000 to trial the case as his way.” – Oh, really? – Dozens of people in the courtroom stirred. The judge continued: – And...

You Idiot

The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father’s firm. At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, “Father, father! In...

Fair

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.” The judge reached into his pocket...

Take care of them!

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible...

Of course not

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would...

Unfair

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman. “That’s unfair!” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity,...

Where?

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God...

How you know?

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, “Did you actually see the accident?” The witness: “Yes, sir.” The lawyer: “How far away were you when the accident happened?” The witness: “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.” The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness): “Well,...
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